HAPPY NEW YEAR..

I'm not going to be here on New Year's so I wanted to tell everyone:

HAVE A SAFE AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Saying Goodbye to 2004..

Okay, because I too am a biter...
Got this from Tejanita25, who got this from Tenth Muse.

1. What did you do in 2004 that you;d never done before?
Completed a year with my Husband without really wanting to leave.

2. Did you keep your new year;s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
yes, and I already made some for next year on my last post.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, fortunately.

5. What countries did you visit?
None.

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
A better Memory...More organization in my chaotic life.

7. What dates from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
June 19th, we went to Houston and had the fucking worst time ever cause Laurie thought the clubs were too ghetto for us! Muahahahaha!! But we ended the night at IHOP and had a rather nice time. I also had time to re-evaluate my relationship with my idiot ass husband who couldn't make his mind up of whether he wanted to skank around or be with me. My girls really helped me out that weekend...I love them. Oh...wait...that was 2003...sorry!!
October 9th, got kicked out of desperados for fighting. NEVER in my life had I ever gotten kicked out of a club. That was exciting.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Keeping my children with a feeling of security.....even though I really don't feel that way.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Giving in again......Not going on with my life like I knew I could've.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nope

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Condoms...LOL.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My Husband...he's changed a lot...

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed disgusted?
Brother-in-Law's stupid idiot ass girlfriend. Blah
14. Where did most of your money go?
Child Support...lol. It's worth it, though...

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My past coming back to me...hmmm...

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
Hoobastank...The Reason

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? sadder..in a weird way.
b) thinner or fatter? fatter.
c) richer or poorer? about the same.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Anything that made me happy..

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Eating.

20. How will you be spending New Year's Eve?
With my family.

21. Did you fall in love in 2004?
Yes, with my blog...

22. How many one-night stands?
None...

23. What was your favorite TV program?
Desperate Housewives!

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No.
25. What was the best book you read?
Dr. Phil's Family Comes First

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Anything Laurie listens to was a musical discovery for me..lol.

27. What did you want and get?
I wanted a stable family...and I almost have it.

28. What did you want and not get?
Romance...

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
The Incredibles!!! Spiderman 2...

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Had a wonderful time with my girls...went to San Antonio to Graham's, and had dinner. My husband bought me a beautiful diamond heart pendant, and took me out to dinner.

31.What one thing would have made your year measurably more satisfying?
Definitely would've been getting a bit more independent. Need to cut the chord on my husband. It's time he makes dinner once in while.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
Anything that fits my ghetto booty...and makes it look good. lol And low maintenance.

33. What kept you sane?
The voices in my head.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
none.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
fuck politics.

36. Who did you miss?
Him..and Him...yep. But he's back now...so I'm okay.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
Really got to know my Cousin's BFF...and I think she's a strong person.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004.
Never take your life for granted. You have to live to your life to the fullest in order to feel like your living. Does that make sense? Otherwise, you're just going through the day to day motions, and you accomplish nothing. Live up to your expectations. You know what you're worth, and what you can do. So, do it and don't let anybody tell you otherwise. Set your goals...and accomplish them without fail.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
You Raise Me Up...Josh Groban.

Nonsense...

I miss you...but I haven't been with you in forever.

I hear you, I see you..around every corner.

But it's like you were a figment of my imagination.

You're not anymore.

But, it still feels unreal.

Why can't I get you out of my mind?

What am I going to have to do to forget about you?

I know...but it scares me.

I don't want to get attached.

I need to move on with you,

not without you.

Carefully...

no regrets

The way you smelled that night...

Just your scent made me hot.

I need to stop this.

No, I can't.

I must go on

This time I'll follow through

2005

Okay, I'm tired of whining about how my life isn't changing and how I feel it's the same old routine day after day. From this day on...I will LIVE MY LIFE, and do it without regrets.

What do you think? I have a feeling that 2005 will be an awesome year because I'm going to make it that way..haha!! So, here's a list of things that I want to do for next year. Let's say just a few resolutions, not necessarily prioritized...

#1. I'm going to lose weight, and not whine about it. Not only for me, but to set an example for my children.

#2. I'm going to live my life!! I want to have fun, and just because I'm 20..whatever, with children doesn't mean that my life is over. I know I need to start living for myself also, and if that means doing things I NORMALLY WOULDN'T do, then so be it. I'm tired of my hum-drum life...I'm going to start living my life to the FULLEST!!
#3. Keep in contact more with old friends. I'm really bad about this. I have a lot of people that I see here and there, and I get numbers, and never call them. I'm going to stop doing that. Having lunch here and there with an old friend isn't bad. It's good to keep ties with some people.

#4. Leave the past in the past. Move on..that's what I'm going to do. yep. Forgive, and forget, and realize that those old boyfriends that I dumped, or dumped me were idiots, and they lost out..hehe. I am perfectly happy now with myself, and I know that if I had a chance to go back, I wouldn't change a single thing. No Regrets...that's the theme for 2005.

#5. Start saving for the future. Goodness, this is a hard one. I've always been bad with money, so I think it's time that I set up a budget, and strictly follow it. It's time that I start saving for my kids....better late than never.

So, those are just a few things that I've thought of so far. I think it'll be a good year...no,

I KNOW IT WILL BE A GOOD YEAR!!

Diabetes

Okay...why is it so hard to understand that if you have diabetes, you need to watch your diet? My Mother is so stubborn!! I got on her yesterday because her doctor's appointment didn't go well at all. The doc told her that she needed to lose weight, that her Cholesterol was high, and that her blood sugar wasn't good either.

She's on medication, but everytime I tell her that she needs to stop eating 2 bowls of cereal AFTER her dinner she gets upset with me and tells me "I take my medication!" Like as if that's giving her the go ahead to put tons of sugar and carbs in her body without it having any effect on her blood sugar level. I tell you..they're also not happy with something having to do with her liver. I don't know.

I think she was trying to keep it from me until after the holidays, but I brought the subject up. Otherwise I don't think I would've known anything about it. I'm just going to believe that she's going to be okay, and help her with her diet and....I've challenged her. Whoever loses 10 pounds first gets a free dinner. lol. Nice incentive, huh?

Anyhoot..

3 DAYS 'TIL CHRISTMAS!! WOO HOO!! I'M SO EXCITED!! ESPECIALLY FOR NEW YEARS. I JUST WANT TO GET SHIT FACED DRUNK...but I know I won't. I can't drink anymore as much as I used to!! What's up with that?! I couldn't even drink that much back then...my friends would always laugh at me because I could have 2 drinks and be feeling goood. hehe. I'm not much of a drinker. But, it's so fun to hang out with my friends and get drunk. I trust them. I guess that's why.

Anyway, I'm really looking forward to spending time with my friends again....and a friend that I've been trying to hook up with for the longest. It's going to be an awesome next couple of weeks.

My Life

Do you ever have the feeling that your life just isn't going quite right? I mean..I know that I'm in the relationship I'm in right now, and I have two beautiful children...but do you ever get the feeling that there's so much more to your life than just what you have? I know I'm a good Mommy, a good worker, and good friend. But, I also know that I'm intelligent, a thrill seeker, a traveler, and I'm a great "people person." Sometimes I just feel that I'm not "living" the way I want to be.

There are soo many things that I want to get done by the time I'm a certain age. And, at this rate..I truly believe that I will never even get one of those things done!! I feel kinda held down, or more like all hope for any type of change in my life is gone. How can I change my life without rearranging anything in my children's life? Or, interrupting any dreams that they might be able to accomplish?

Does this somehow sound selfish to you? I know that I try to make everyone happy all the time but, when is it really, honestly my turn to make myself happy? I mean, did I give that right up when I became pregnant? Or, is it just something that I shouldn't even think about now? I'm still young...so maybe the fact that I know I'm this age right now is making me realize I don't have much more time to do what I want to do before my children are grown and in College. I mean, I'm strapped financially right now...can you imagine how strapped I'm going to be when I'm putting my children through College? Wow...now I'm depressed..lol.

Maybe it's just that I see my kids getting older, and I want them to have everything that they could ever imagine wanting, including a dream career..one that I never had. But, at the same time...I'm afraid of living vicariously through my children. I don't want to become the type of Mother that pushes her children so hard to succeed because of the fact that she feels as if she failed in her younger years. blah... I know this is kinda going nowhere because I keep trying to justify my "day to day" life by describing the kind of life I'm trying to build for my children. But, I just need to know that what I'm feeling is normal...not selfish.

I want excitement, romance, traveling, and success in my life...and right now I don't think it will ever happen unless I change something. I just wish I knew how to go about doing it without upsetting the people around me...lol. I told you...I'm a people pleaser...not a self-gratifier.

Say Something You Wanted to Say to 11 People, but Never Did.

11 things
Got this from Tejanita25, who got this from Toshi , who got this from wowedout.
Write something you should have said that you never did to 11 people

• I hate you for never being there. I remember being small and crying outside because I felt like I was just a little reject. Always asking myself why you didn't want me. What was wrong with me? I thought I was a wonderful child. Even though you never made the effort to support me, or see me, I always thought about you, and truly had the love in my heart just waiting for you to acknowledge me, and how wonderful that day would be when we could finally be part of each other's lives. Now I know it was NEVER worth it..all the pain I put myself through to finally realize that I DIDN'T NEED YOU to become the strong, loving, caring woman and mother that I am today..asshole.
• I'm so sorry if I ever hurt you. I love you so much for sticking everything out with me and being the best friend that I could have ever had. Even though we don't talk every single day, and don't see each other as much as we should, I feel like you are truly the only friend that understands me all around. You know I'm full of pride, and don't like to admit my mistakes much, but I am truly sorry for ever hurting you in any way. I'm an idiot, and when we were young I did stupid shit. I'm sorry.
• I wish you would understand how it feels to see him go through what I see him going through. You don't even have the slightest clue of how much you're hurting him by just not being active. You're lazy..and just because you're in your 50's doesn't mean that he is too. He's a wonderful, bright, brilliant boy. You're causing him to be a lazy, insecure, overweight little boy. And, he's not. Can you just show a little enthusiasm when he wants to actually DO something with you?! I mean, you're his mother for goodness sakes. It makes me feel bad because I think you gave me the best of what you had...and now he's got the left overs. That's not fair. He didn't ask to be born...you made that choice..just because you were 40 when you had him doesn't give you the excuse to not do anything with him. Get up and do something with him besides watch TV. Play some baseball with him, or get a bike and ride it with him. Do SOMETHING!! You think he's just fine the way he is, but there's so much more that he could experience. Like having a life.
• I think I loved you..but we'll never know now. You came into my life at a bad time. I wasn 't into that stuff when I was that age. Everyone else was, but I wasn't. Why couldn't you just wait?! I truly believe that if you would've waited and not been so anxious that things would've been sooo awesome. You call me now and tell me that you're having problems sometimes with your spouse, and I just wish things would've worked out back then. Cause now, I'm really happy...cause my kids are happy. You understand that, and I thank you for listening to my problems, too. But, if you could've just not been the jerk you were in H.S. You always tell me now that you were just being stupid because I rejected you, but that's no excuse for treating me how you did. You ask me if I really did care, why didn't I just do it? You idiot. Because I really cared I was afraid that if we did, you would leave me. Isn't that funny? Cause when I didn't, we grew apart and weren't the same ever again. You know because of you I lost my virginity?! I was so afraid of not being with the "in" crowd that I just chose the next guy, and got it overwith. LOL. You idiot.
• You BITCH...I can't stand you!! The only reason I do is because of my stepson. He's got so much potential to be a "normal" child. And, he'll never be that because of you. You've put him through so much shit it's pitiful. NO CHILD SHOULD EVER GO THROUGH LIFE BELIEVING HE'S ALWAYS SICK. You're the one that's SICK. I finally am getting my wish though. People finally see what kind of person you are. Even your own fucking family apologizes to me for the things you've put our family through!! May God have mercy on your soul...cause in the natural, you caused pure HELL!!
• You BITCH..I can't stand you!! LOL..The only reason I do is because of him. He's so messed up in the head that you already know how to brain wash him. You suck Big Hairy Balls, like my cousin says. lol. You'll never be part of the family. Not when you make him choose between his blood and you. Bitch.
• You know, I hated you for so long because of the way you were to me. Why were you so ugly?! What was it that you just couldn't stand? I always felt so scared when you entered the room..afraid that you were going to throw me against the walls again because the house wasn't clean enough, or the dinner was shit. Always soo deathly afraid of you. I'll never understand how you changed. From one day to the next..just changed. It was like a switch. I still don't feel like it's real. I feel like you're just a time bomb waiting to go off. I wish I could trust you and get rid of these old fears, but it's hard. I can't. Even if you have changed.
• Why is it that you're alone? What is the reason for you not wanting to go out anymore? Your last boyfriend was a tragedy, but life goes on. I'm sure that he would've wanted you to move on. He didn't kill himself because of you. He had major issues. It's not your fault!! You can't control someone else's life, and you sure as hell couldn't stop him from pulling the trigger. You weren't even there. Please, just don't be so sad, and angry all the time. You used to be able to talk about him, and now you don't.
• Thank YOU. For stepping in for my absent father when you knew my Mother just had one love in her heart. You were the world to me..and I never got to tell you how much it meant for you to be a part of my life. You were willing to be my Daddy, to marry her and all. I know things happen for a reason, and I know that Mom declined, but can you forgive me for not ever telling you how much I loved you for trying? You stepped in at my Quince as my Father, and I know that if you could've been at my wedding you would've gone. I'm sorry you were sick...and I'm sorry I didn't go to your funeral...but I did love you, and I still love you...Thank you.
• I'm afraid of you leaving. I don't want you to go. You scared me sooo much this year...I was in denial. I'm afraid of what might happen after you're gone. I love you so much for you taking care of me when I was little, and loving me unconditionally. I love the way you are so protective of me, and I hate the fact that you can't stay until I'm gone. I'm scared. I don't know how I'll handle it. You're the reason that I even know my spanish. I know where I came from because of you. You always supported me in everything I did. You were even the first to welcome my idiot husband back in the family, after you gave me some money to help for my divorce!? lol. I love you more than you could imagine..I only stay away most of the time because I don't want to see you hurt anymore. I know you're tired of sitting down, and not doing anything. But it's best for you. We just want you to be here longer. Just a few more years...
• I'm sorry you never had a chance to live your life. You were probably the sister that I had always wanted...and we'll never know. You would've been so loved...but I just think it wasn't the right time. I always think about you. I do love you. I just wish I could've seen your little face before God took you home. Hopefully you're my little guardian angel watching out for me. God knows that I need as much help as I can get.

Whew.....That took a lot out of me...

My Perfect Match

Armanda, the best Zodiac Match for your personality is Leo

Leo, the Lion (July 23 to August 22): This generous and faithful partner is just your type. Initially, a Leo may catch your eye with their outgoing ways and flamboyant personal presence. But as you get to know them, you're even more likely to be drawn to your Leo's strength and loyalty. Be aware, people born under this sign are known for seeking pleasure at every turn. Typically, they aren't afraid to take risks to get what they want. This can-do, forceful nature can make Leos seem a bit domineering at times. However, a Leo partner will also usually be very willing to work through any problems that arise between the two of you. In the bedroom, you'll likely find the Lion to be a romantic lover with an ample sex drive. This is just another aspect of their love for life, attention, and fun.

Hmmm...my husband is not a Leo. That explains it.

How is it that I fell in love with someone COMPLETELY opposite from what I KNOW I am attracted to? I liked pretty boys. Really..I think I was looking at the outside more than I was the inside. But, I had my share of boyfriends that were ..okay.. not like fine or anything.
My old boyfriend Paul wasn't a pretty boy, he was handsome...but he was strong...and EXTREMELY romantic. I remember one night I was just getting lost in his arms while he was showing me all the constellations, and telling me of his dreams of becoming an astrologer. ::sigh:: Wow...I dropped him. He told me he was falling in love with me one night and I freaked..lol. Never went back. How sorry is that?!
Anyways, then there was Psycho. Blah...let's not get into that conversation..lol..I got chills just thinking about that one. ::stomach turning::
And, how about Damian..he too was short and not a pretty boy...but he was the same as Paul. strong, lovey dovey, and he knew what he wanted. That was a bad situation all around cause I was mainly in it for the sex. ...oooh..I got the chills again. lol. The others...the pretty boys...really drew me to them, but I truly had stronger feelings for the "not so pretty boys" than I ever did the pretty boys.
So, why is it that I ended up with a "pretty boy", and not a man that had the "qualities" that I look for in a man. Weird.
You can take this test here:
http://web.tickle.com/tests/zodiac/authorize/signin.jsp?url=/tests/zodiac/index.jsp

Money

That's a scary subject, isn't it?! Well, I went to a finance class yesterday, not because I wanted to, but because I had to. And, I really learned a lot! The Instructor asked us to raise our hands if we had EVER been taught as a child about money..and NO ONE raise their hands!? Crazy, huh? That's so true, though...I was never taught about money and where it came from or how to spend it. Usually I just told my Mom I saw something on TV that I wanted, went out the next weekend, found it, bought it, and came home. Big deal. The most I ever knew about it was that it took my Mom too long to pay. lol. She never spoke to me about where it came from, how you earned it, and even less how to manage it. But, I finally got the answer to the question that I had been wondering about forever..I wasn't the only one who has trouble with their finances, and I wasn't the only one who never learned about it as they were growing up. It's funny cause the teachers at school can teach you the value of a penny and a quarter, but why is there not a financial class that teaches you not only the basics of money, but also the way it will affect your credit if you don't spend it wisely. I mean, how many of us got a credit card offered to us right out of High School?! I know almost all of my friends did...and most of them ended up ruining their credit because of it. I didn't apply for mine that soon, because something inside of me told me that it was a really bad idea. But, as I got older, and learned what I thought was how to have good credit I decided to get one. And that was the beginning of my financial downfall. I know though, that with my children I've already explained to them why we can't buy toys until all the bills are paid. They know that the reason we have money is because Mommy and Daddy work to earn it. They know that we earn it because we have to pay for EVERYTHING. The bills, the rent, the cars...they already know that we have to pay for these in order to live the life we have. They even know that the things they get..like toys and junk food takes money to buy. I will not have my children grow up and get thrown into the cruel world without some kind of knowledge of credit, and financial management. NO WAY!! I know how it felt for me to learn all of these things on my own, and it makes me resent my Mother a bit...just a bit. Now that I'm an adult I know that if I really wanted to know more about it, I could buy books, and check on my credit more than what I thought I could. So, I'm not blaming my downfall on anyone else but myself. All I'm saying is that my children are going to learn as much as I can teach them before they venture out on their own.........maybe that way they won't have to fall back on me for help when I'm retired...lol.

Christmas Music

You know, I have been thoroughly enjoying listening to the Christmas music on the radio. I love this season!! I love the cold weather, the "Trail of Lights" (driving from house to house in town..hehe), my beautiful Christmas trees, getting together with friends, and I LOVE snuggling in this weather!! Something about this season that just makes me love to snuggle, and drink hot chocolate. I also love to stay out late...nights are awesome. All the lights hanging and almost everyone seems to be in such a better mood!! I love it when people are a little nicer than usual. It makes the days go by so much easier. I just wish that it would snow. This year it snowed in February, and it was so much fun. One Morning was all we got, but it was enough to make a small snowman, and have a snowball fight. It was fun. I filmed all of it, and it was so funny. Even my 52 year old Mom got in on it, and usually she's an inside kinda person. She doesn't like getting out much unless it's to go shopping. That, too though!! I love going shopping for presents. Something about giving gifts that makes me feel so good. I don't know, maybe I'm just a bit cheesy. But, I do love this season, and the weather. It's awesome.

Happy Birthday to Me...

Happy Birthday to Me...Happy Birthday to Me...Happy Birthday dear Manda...Hehe!! It's my Birthday! I am turning 25 today!! Again. lol. It's already been an awesome day. My family sang to me this morning, and my co-workers remembered my birthday so we're going out for lunch, and my Favorite Cousin in the Whole Wide World sent me a beautiful & a funny card, and posted my Birthday on her site, AND my BFF sent me a card, too. Awesome!! I love to be loved! Especially by people who mean a lot to me. It's going to be a wonderful day..and it's just starting. Woo Hoo!!
You know my cousin Laurie got me addicted to that song Lovers & Friends..I LOVE HIM!! lol. Anyway, I can't tell you how much fun I had on Saturday. I think we should all celebrate our birthdays every 6 months. More reasons to celebrate, and hang out. I should've discussed that with them Sat. night. Though, we did discuss going to Las Vegas!! Wow!! That would be Awesome! I would love to go, but I don't think that I could be away for that long from my kids. But...I don't know...Jesu said that the gambling is fun, and the shows would be worth going. And, my cousin Laurie...bless her heart...said that they have Really Good HOT DOGS... mmkay. So, I think I have to go cause the HOT DOGS are good. LMFAO. One drink, and the reason I HAVE to go to Las Vegas is cause of the Hot Dogs..lol. You're too funny. It'd be a nice get away, but I'll only go if ALL of us go. Can you imagine?! 4 beautiful women all alone, in Las Vegas?! Woo Hoo!! And, this time we can say What Happens in Las Vegas...stays in Las Vegas. Woo Hoo!! I think I'm convincing myself to go!!

Out with the Girls..

I HAD A BLAST WITH MY GIRLS SATURDAY NIGHT! I love my friends. We went to San Antonio, ate at Friday's and almost pee'd in my pants from laughing about my "Lean Back" story. I had never eaten at Friday's, but the food was good. My Club Sandwich was big, and the fries were okay. And the cherries in my drink were sooo good. I think I liked the Cherries more than the drink. After eating there, we went straight to Graham Central Station, which was soo much fun! We drank, and danced, and drank again and danced...and I really thought my friend Jesu was going to do the Karaoke thing, but she chickened out. I think if I would've gotten one more shot I maybe would've gotten up there. They really would've had something to laugh about then. Laurie took her camera, but if she posts any of those pictures I will hurt her cause the picture she took of me was before I had started drinking, and I looked like I was drunk already. lol. Then, we were getting ready to leave, and I had my cell phone. Why did I have my cell phone!? I try So Hard Not to let my feelings get the best of me, but I had to call. I couldn't help it. I'm so embarrassed that I called him and I was drunk. Jesu has met him already, but none of my other friends have. He's so fucking fine...and I can't get him out of my mind. I tell my friends that I just like him as a friend, but they done figured my ass out. I Love Him!! lol. Why else can't I get him out of my head? He's eye candy for one, he's really sweet when he's not talking about sex for two, and he was there for me when I was going through hard times..I really admire him for that. He wasn't scared of me cause I had kids either. I would love just to be his lover and friend...can I do that? I've been so good though, how is it that he can make me feel like this? Just one look at him and his eyes melt me. blah...I've got it bad. I love my green eyed friend for being there.

Stupid Bitch...

K, I'm sad to say that my Brother-In-Law got crushed by the boulder. Idiot. He went back to his girlfriend, and the drama continues. We've decided not to mess with their problems anymore. Too much drama. You know, I really thought that he would get a clue this time as to why his life is such a living hell. But, I guess he's just not thinking with the right head right now. He's just gonna continue going at it with this girl until he finally ends up realizing that he has no family to turn to anymore because they got tired of their shit. It's just sad. I don't think he's going to ever truly be happy...maybe the sex is good, but honestly, I would much rather have a loving and caring husband, than good sex. LOL. Thank GOD I have good sex, though. LMAO.

MUAHAHAHA

I LOVE Laurie's laugh!! It fits my subject. You know how I was bitching about my BIL's girlfriend?! Well, I tell you...I ought to bitch more often. Guess who I have as a live-in at my house now?! Yep..my BIL!! Apparently they had it out MAJORLY last night, and he was home with us at 6:30. Hehe. That's too freaking crazy!

I guess I don't have to worry about Christmas Dinner, huh? And, this time I think it's for good because he actually brought all of his stuff, and set it up in my daughters room. And, his toothbrush and stuff is in the Bathroom...wow. He really did do it this time. This is like the third time since he came down from Cali that he's actually lived with us. I tried to give him some words of encouragement, and he started to feel a lot better. I told him that just because his relationships don't turn out right doesn't mean that he's a bad person, or that something's wrong with him...?? But, between you and I, he needs just a bit of counseling to get over his past. He's already been, but he needs to stick to it. Anyway, he said that he always wonders why things happen to him like this. What did he do to deserve it.. And, I told him this story...

There was once this man who was traveling by foot, and he was trying to get around a mountain in order to make it to where he thought he needed to go to make a new life. When he got to the mountain, the only path that he had to use was blocked by a huge boulder. Well, the man realized that there was no way that he could move it himself, so being the man of God he was, he prayed and asked God to move it for him. Well, he prayed and prayed and prayed, and finally after a few days he got a message from God. God told him to push on the boulder to try to move it himself. Of course, the man thought that this was a bit odd, but being the obedient servant he was, decided to listen to God and try to push the boulder. Days on end he tried and tried to push that boulder out of the way.. He tried to make it work..He tried to do good. Well, days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months, and finally he got frustrated and asked God...Why am I still pushing on this boulder, Lord? You've seen my struggle and tried to do what you wanted me to, and it never seems to work!? Why am I going through this!? And, all of a sudden a small storm comes through and clears a path around the boulder. The man becomes even more upset and says why did you put me through all that for nothing, if you were going to fix the problem for me at the end? And God answered him..my son, how can you think that it was all for nothing? Look down at your legs, look at your arms, and your back! Can you see how strong you've become from pushing the boulder? You were a frail and weak man when you first prayed for my help...now you've become strong and your patience has improved. You were trying to walk the path that YOU had planned. I had a different plan for you. Now you can live your life strong and knowing that your patience, and obedience will see you through...

He felt much better after I told him that story...I just hope he realizes that he doesn't have to feel like he's alone during times like these. And, I pray to God that he doesn't get back with her. That would just be horrible. But, I can't live his life for him. All I can do is make him realize how he needs to live for himself for a while in order to get things straight. And, that he CAN be happy without a girlfriend for a while.

Christmas Dinner

You know that this year is going to be so special for our family. We finally have a stable home and we've gone the whole entire year without even thinking about separating..which is a pretty big thing for us. Considering that we've really never been together for an entire year before without threatening divorce. Anyway, we always do the morning Christmas like I'm sure every "normal" family does. The Morning of Christmas is strictly Our Family time. It makes memories for the kids, you know? We get up really early, and video the kids opening their gifts..and saying "Thank You Mommy!", and "Thank You Daddy!" And, then after we're done opening gifts at our house, we all head over to my Mom's where my Grandmother, and My Aunt are also. And, they go to town over there. So, it's like a tradition, you know?
Well, I'm starting to get a little upset...my Brother-In-Law's ghetto girlfriend has always been the type to piss me off by the stupid shit she does, but you know now it's really getting to me. We have a wonderful Christmas dinner planned for my Husband's family. We've contacted some of his fam, and they're glad to join in for Christmas DINNER. Did you understand that? Cause for some fucking reason...my BIL's girlfriend couldn't. Christmas Dinner means on Christmas Day, we have a Meal planned later in the Day about 6 pm. Easy enough?
Okay..well, why in the hell would..for One: Hear instead of Christmas Dinner, hear Christmas Weekend? Cause that's EXACTLY what my BIL's girlfriend wants. She works with my husband, and apparently she just decided to slide this question in to my husband without "DUH!" knowing that I would need to be consulted about this: "Well, Louis and I were wondering if it would be okay if we all (kids) stayed the night and that way, the kids (meaning hers and mine) could open their Christmas gifts together! hehe... And, of course, my wonderful Husband being the Host that he is says "I don't see how that would be a problem, so sure!" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!! WHAT THE HELL!!!!!! I'm sorry, but I'm not going to have our family's traditions changed so I can HOST Christmas EVE, AND Christmas DAY!!!
More than likely it's because She doesn't get along with her Mom, so she's looking for an escape so that they don't have to spend it at her house...They live with her. They did the same thing for Thanksgiving!! They barged into my Husand's Grandma's house and Fucking Invited Her Side of the family!! Her Brothers and her Sister-In-Laws, Whom His poor Grandma doesn't even freaking KNOW!! How Can you just fucking crash a party, when you're the one who's throwing the party!!?? Cause that's exactly what they were doing! They called Grandma up and told her, We're heading up there Grandma and you don't have to worry about making any food. We'll bring it all. So, they brought all of the food, and pissed the Real Family off because of all the freaking strangers there that the Real Family ended up leaving and didn't even eat! LMFAO!! How can you be so fucking blind? You can't Force someone to like you!! Get over it!! So, needless to say, they took the food that they wanted, and left the rest there for the poor Grandmother to clean up. What kind of shit is that!? I'm sorry...but I'm not going to kiss ass, and I'm not going to allow them to Barge into my Home just because they have nowhere to celebrate. It's not my problem if she doens't get along with her Mother...so here's a copy of what I e-mailed to her today when my husband called me and told me about their "conversation." Let me know what you think...it's rather nice, I think.

Hey, Jason told me that you were interested in bringing something to the Christmas dinner!! That's awesome. I'm making a turkey, and Mom's making the dressing. I think it would be awesome if you could bring the dessert. Do you know how to make green bean casserole? Anyway, I'm not sure what time dinner is going to start because we're going to be out most of the morning. We usually go to My Mom's first thing. But, as soon as I find out from Mom what time we should all meet at our house, I'll let you know.

Marriage

Okay, my husband completely surprised me the other day. We've been married for 8 years now, and our anniversary is going to be in March. 9 whole years. Wow. A lot of ups and downs..mostly downs. But, I think this time we're actually going to make it. We were able to live with each other a whole entire year without really arguing ugly. We've had discussions and stuff, but there hasn't been any flying pots and pans, or anything like that. lol.
Well, anyway we went to a wedding on Saturday, and it was so gorgeous. We actually kinda got teary eyed. Anyway, after the wedding, my husband got mushy, and actually asked me if I'd like to get re-married!! ::GASP::
Wow!! He was serious! He wants to get married again, and he wants to do it at our church that we've been going to recently. Things have changed soo much. That would just be awesome though. I would love to get re-married I told him. He said that maybe on our 10 year we'll do it. Wow...
You know that I had a really weird dream last night? I had a dream that I was pregnant...and that the baby came out looking just like my daughter. She was so pretty!! But, she was little..maybe almost half the size of B when she was born. In my dream I just went to the hospital because of my stomach hurting! Then, the nurse turns and looks at me and tells me that I'm going to have a baby!! What the #@$!? Whatever! And, all of a sudden I remember seeing my stomach making waves like an alien is in there, and Poof!! There's a baby girl in the nurse's arms!! Freaky!! I don't even want to know what that dream meant...so don't tell me. I know it was just because I ate late...indigestion can do some crazy crap to you..lol.

Sex...Again

1. Copy/paste this ENTIRE post, including the rules, into your blog
2. Bold or CAPITALIZE the statements that are true about you. What's left plain is false.
3. Make comments in parenthesis at the end of a comment.
4. Include this credit: Copyright 2004, Garrison Steelle, www.churchofsteelle.comNow, here's part II!

1. I have, either currently or in the past, gone over a year without sex.
2. I have a partially used tube of KY Jelly close to my bed.
3. I sometimes buy clothes specifically to turn people on. (Yep..all the time.)
4. I sleep with my socks on. (It's cold enough when you sleep nude.)
5. I have gotten someone drunk on purpose.
6. I set aside some time each day to surf porn online.
7. There are nude pictures of me somewhere on the Internet.
8. My family would FREAK if they read this list. (Haha..Especially my Mom. She thought I was a virgin when I got married!)
9. I can orgasm on command.
10. I have had sex standing up. (Rather Eventful..but it's fun)
11. I have leather in my closet and I'm not afraid to wear it.
12. Given the opportunity, I would have sex with a porn star.
13. I know someone who needs a copy of "Sex for Dummies."(No Comment)
14. There is at least one extended family member (cousin, aunt, etc.) I would jump if we weren't related.
15. I think hose are sexy.
16. I think limited nudity should be allowed on television after 10:00 at night.
17. I like ribbed condoms.
18. I am pierced somewhere other than my ears or navel.
19. I have had sex in the shower.
20. My parents caught me having sex.
21. My child(ren) caught me masturbating.
22. Watching other people have sex turns me on. (We used to get porn movies.)
23. I own more than ten porn tapes/DVDs.
24. I have used a vegetable as a sex toy.
25. I enjoy reading erotic literature.
26. I can get wet/hard just by the sound of someone's voice.
27. I have used a sex swing.
28. I have employed the services of a professional sex worker.
29. I have a membership on at least one adult pay site.
30. I would give up another habit (smoking, drinking, over-eating) if it meant having more sex.
31. I would consider hiring someone to teach me about the finer points of sex. (Always keep an open mind.)
32. Given the opportunity, I would appear in an adult magazine.
33. I think reality TV should show who's having sex with whom.
34. I get wet/hard just walking into a Victoria's Secret store.
35. I keep a "Top 5" list of famous people I would like to fuck.
36. I have participated in an orgy.
37. My current sex life is beyond boring.
38. I am actively looking for a new sex partner.
39. I do NOT think having sex always means making a long-term commitment. (I've had meaningless sex before.)
40. I have at least one sex toy made of glass.
41. I think anti-pornography laws are too restrictive.
42. People would be surprised if they knew how often I think about sex. (I can't talk about it much..it embarrasses me!)
43. I think 16 is a good age to begin having sex.
44. I have special names for my sex organs.
45. I have used sex to get what I want.(My husband knows this.) :)
46. I think the world would be a better place if people had sex more often.(Definitely!)
47. I think some public nudity should be legal.
48. I have at least one sex toy that is purple.
49. I think a blogger orgy would be ... Interesting.
50. Just reading this list makes me horny.

Christmas Tree

Well, I finally put up the Christmas Tree...wait a minute...I did it really early this year! Usually I do it about a week and a half before Christmas. lol. I'm a bad procrastinator. But, my beautiful chidren and I had a blast putting the tree up and trimming it. My poor tree is so ghetto, but my kids' eyes just lit up when we finally turned all the lights in the living room off, and plugged in the lights on the tree. They just gasped and said "Oh, Mommy!! It's Beautiful!!" LOL. My children are such a blessing. I love them so much.

Lately I've had a problem going to sleep early. I usually would go to bed at 9:30 and wouldn't have to get up until 6:15. So, I was getting a lot of sleep. Now, I can't go to sleep at that time. I try to go and lay down, but I'm not sleepy. So, I've been going to bed at about 11:30, and I'm waking up at 6:15. It's weird, but for some reason I feel much better waking up in the morning, and my day seems to go by faster. I also have a lot of energy. hmm..I remember I used to feel the same way when I would go out in High School. I would feel so much better in the morning after I went out with my friends..if I hadn't gone out drinking. Weird.

Anyway, I'm very anxious for Christmas this year. The tree is up, and Christmas music is playing on the station that I have it on, and I love shopping!! hehe..This time of year is awesome for me. You think it might be also because my BIRTHDAY is this month? Hmm... ;)