Stressin'

I'll be married for 13 years in March. I've probably spent two of those years separated from my Husband. Things have always been rocky, but I keep trying to make my Husband realize that we could be so much happier if he wasn't so tightly wound.

We have pretty much lost all our friends because he really doesn't like my friends. He's got a couple of friends that invite him to do things, but he won't go because he knows that he controls me and my friendships so he'd rather stay home and make my life hell. Plus, I would honestly throw it in his face that I can't do anything with my friends. We do have some awesome church friends, but honestly I have to keep everyone at a distance because I'm not allowed to get too close to anyone. He doesn't like hanging out with people much because he's not much of a conversationalist. We've gotten several invites from our church friends, and I've always wanted to hang out, but I just don't get my hopes up anymore. We've even set a few things up with our Pastors and he's decided to cancel every time. (But it's always me doing the cancelling)

I'm a very open and loving/living life kinda person. I love going out with the kids, going out with my friends, talking, laughing, being silly and geeky...but I'm always limiting all that because I always feel like I end up getting scolded and treated badly for being that way.

So, I've now only a couple of occasions that I can hang out with my friends. Usually that being my Birthday and Funerals. That is my life. I've had a lunch with my ex-coworker and I ended up being ignored and treated like I had done something horrible.

So, I keep telling myself just keep living in the lines and I'll be ok. But, I've been through this before. I just can't do it. Is that a bad thing? I've tried putting my foot down several times and it just ends up making it hard for me and the kids to deal with. The first week after I put my foot down, it's wonderful. We live a little more freely. I don't get ignored, or talked down to. The next week all hell breaks loose again.

I've already done some research because I really felt all alone in this. And, it popped up under Mental Abuse.

http://ezinearticles.com/?Mental-Abuse---The-7-Most-Important-Things-To-Know&id=60849

This is my life. And, if you're here to judge please don't. I'm finally getting to a place in my life where I'm ready to do something about it. I don't need any negativity...I have enough of that in my life already. Thanks.